Jun 13, 2011

Curly Butt Hair

So we are snagging bread, I gotta pee, a real bladder buster, which is bad, since bathrooms at grocery stores are notoriously filthy.  You are probably nodding in agreement and know this is true because kids always have to squat when out and about.  We've toured every loo in town.  I think the big draw is the auto-flushing toilets and pumping mounds of foam soap.  

I'm pretty sure if any toxic fumes emanating from that bathroom drifted over to the fresh produce and settled amongst green leafy lettuce, there would be a serious E. coli outbreak. 

Wash and get the heck out of the stink closet.  Of course Pigtails now has to go.  She gets it done, we pay for groceries and walk across the street for a birthday ice-cream treat.  As I'm mid-lick on a monster twist cone, she draws close and whispers:

"Daddy, there was a butt hair on the seat in the bathroom.  It was curly.  Did you go stinky?" 

I laughed loudly, nearly busted the snap holding my shorts up and sprayed cone.

Paused to think about how to answer her question.  She was staring, with an inquisitive look on her face.

"Well, you said it was curly, I have straight hair, so it couldn't have been mine.  Plus, I didn't go stinky."

She smiled, but couldn't figure out why I continued laughing.  

 -Beard

3 comments:

  1. Yes, I was actually nodding, concurring with the disgusting splendor that is the public restroom. Should have read the post title first. Can't believe you went there my friend. I may never eat ice cream again. Or today. I blame you entirely.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sorry about that, I should have included a "put down all food and any thought of food before reading this post."

    ReplyDelete
  3. I just stumbled upon your blog through a friend a week ago. I'm starting from the beginning and am up through July 2011. This is by far the single greatest post ever in the history of posts. Ever. :) Kids ask THE BEST questions.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for the note, check back for my response!