Dec 18, 2011

Pigtails' Christmas List = OfficeMax

My daughter's hooked on playing school these days.  

I often hear markers scribble-tapping the whiteboard down in the basement as she teaches a class of 25 invisible 3rd-graders.  Girl recreates the entire school day, from morning Pledge of Allegiance and prayer to spelling bees, pop math quizzes, recess, lunch, art clay pots and PE.  No siblings to quench her tutoring thirst, so I get coerced into joining up and playing the part of a random hyper kid in class that gets busted and his name written on the naughty board. 

She seems to get a "fix" when writing names on the board, casually daring me to act up and talk without raising my hand to see what happens.

I learned you earn a free ride to the Principal's office after three ticks beside your name.  And there's a limit to how many times you can ask to go to the bathroom in a 3-minute period.










"shut your mouth or you're off to be paddled by nuns!"



Which brings us to her Christmas list.



filthy fingers wants not 1, but 5 hand sanitizers

Good selection there, including a detective kit, gift cards, an elf and a sister.  She later scratched off a few things she didn't feel would happen this year, like a step mom and make-up.  I asked her the top two items she wants the most.  Without delay, she lit up and yelled "highlighters and red pens for playing school, of course!"  Kid explained it's difficult to grade papers without those tools.

Fine by me.  I can knock out her top wishlist items with a $3 OfficeMax flyby.

-Beard

10 comments:

  1. Rachael12/19/2011

    Is "puppy" the elephant in the room?

    I'm relieved to know that #10 is a detective kit and not a detox kit.

    Ya know, that reputation you've acquired as a classroom cut-up is going to follow you. Nobody likes a wise-a$$.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That list is hilarious. Correct me if I'm wrong, but is that hand sanitizer on the list? Well I think Pigtails was wise to scratch a few off the list, here's why:

    Sister- I have two of them, a lot of hair-pulling, scratching eyes out, and clothes stealing comes along with that. You have to go through at least 20 or so years of that stuff before you're BFFs.

    StepMom- Have you seen Cinderella? Step Moms are mean and make you do all the chores.

    Well on the tooth front, at least you know you're not a vampire, so there's always that.

    Hope Pigtails gets everything on her list.

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOVE the list. I am concerned about her request for hand sanitizer. It could be that I have boys and washing their hands is not their favorite sport. I was wondering what I can do to make my boys request hand sanitizer?

    ReplyDelete
  4. @Rachael - I'll go with the assumption she was requesting a stuffed dog. Girl will be disappointed when she finds out it's not a live poopin' puppy.

    @Cari - Kid wants not 1, but 5 hand sanitizers. Not sure if her hands are a filthy mess or what. She claims Bath and Body Works carries small vats of sanitizer for a buck, I'll check it out.

    @Army of Moms - More puppy, have the boys play with the puppy, then they'll want the pump soap.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous12/19/2011

    I like the confidence - bathrobe and curlers!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love this...and it brings back so many memories...of being a little girl and of being a single mom. I remember playing school with my stuffed animals...complete with checking papers...highlighters and red pens would have been fabulous...oh and don't forget the No. 2 pencils!!! Now the little sister thing...my son wanted a little brother...then around fourth or fifth grade he spent time with a friend with younger brothers and sisters...I remember him coming home and saying "that brother thing...yeah I'm good." There are times when I wish he had siblings but I think he's adjusted to being an only child ok.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I know why she wants sanitizer. It's for those nasty boogery boys at school. My daughter told me a boy named Gabe is disgusting and picks his nose. She asks him to open her fruit cup at break but only after he uses hand sanitizer.

    Pigtails looks like she doesn't mess around. Plus I think she has Hitler on her Christmas list.

    ReplyDelete
  8. @Christina - So what you're saying is a boy wiped a booger on song #49 in the hymnal?

    Gosh darn it, you're right, that is Hitler on her list, not highlighter. Must be her threat of what'll happen if she doesn't get 5 hand sanitizers at Jesus' birthday party. CLEAN FRUIT-SCENTED HANDS OR BUST!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I love that she crossed off make-up... she knows her daddy too well.

    ReplyDelete
  10. @Nessa - Perhaps that's your polite way of saying this dude's a fun hater. You should see the aftermath after Pigtails gets ahold of blue eyeshadow. Think Mimi.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for the note, check back for my response!