Lost my Man Card on that sissy tea post. Time to earn it back, let's grill some burgers.
If you're vegetarian and don't eat food with faces, go ahead and exit this post now.
It took me a few years to do burgers right. They were missing that charbroiled crust and tender center I desired. After inhaling how-to grilling clips on YouTube and a little trial-and-error, they finally turn out right.
I cook with gas, but natural lump charcoal with hickory chunks mixed in tastes best. Drop a match on the burners or coal and preheat the grates. You want to sear the meat and cook quickly, 400 or 500 degrees will do.
While the grill is heating, prepare the pink slime.
Loose Dimpled Patties
I use 85% lean ground chuck. This isn't the time to fret about fat pants, you want a lil' beef blubber in there for taste and texture. I heed the Grilling Companion's advice in keeping the patties loose. Rather than spanking the meat, gently piece together into crumbled rounds 3/4" thick. Don't worry about them looking nice, they'll hide beneath buns.
Dimple the center with a thumb to help it cook evenly and prevent burger bloat. I dust with salt, pepper, garlic and a shot of TJ's Soyaki in the divot.
Might as well do fries, Lawry's works well.
The fire should be at temp by now, add the foil of fries. Wait a couple minutes until they begin to steam, then slap on the cow rounds.
Grilling time depends on temp and thickness of the burgers. I usually grill 2 minutes, then rotate the patties 1/4 turn to brand with cross marks. After 4 minutes total on side 1, they'll begin to brown and sweat on top. Flip 'em.
Stir the fries so they don't scorch. The greasy burger smoke waters my eyes and mouth.
Leave the patties be, don't mash them down or the juice will drain. Cook 2 minutes, rotate 1/4 turn for the fancy marks.
After 4 minutes on side 2, check the center for pink. They should be getting close at the 8 minute mark (4 minutes per side). Dibs on that back burger, Pigtails gets the sketchy broken one up front:
Just before pulling the meat, add cheese and toast your buns on the top rack.
Fries with burnt ends, dunked into Cookies BBQ.
Let the meat sit for a bit, the juice will settle in nicely. While resting, I mix up a batch of coleslaw using bagged shredded cabbage and dressing. Takes only a minute, and the cool crunch offsets the burgers just right.
Pray and dig in!
I'm hungry again, let's do chicken next time.