This one burrows inside, an introspection on what's holding me back most from moving ahead.
I love marriage. Architected by God, intended to be permanent and severed only by death. A sacrament and holy, it's not something to run from when you "feel out of love", lose the spark, fight perpetually or find someone new.
I hate divorce. Crafted by man, enacted when marriage fails. A spot and blemish, spouses split, kids, assets and love are packaged up and divvied out. Family and friends don't wish to talk with you about it, leprosy.
So when you love marriage as much as you despise divorce, and the former falters as the latter is tapped out by lawyers, you come away chapped with windburn.
I've seen some go through divorce and are able to quickly rebound. Within a couple years, they remarry and are with child again. Wish I knew how they did that.
My windburn won't go away. I've tried letting it heal with time, prayer, talking, and thinking just because it was that way won't mean the next will be the same.
I can't love when the windburn won't heal. How do you trust again when the person you once trusted the most in life lied? And when you've been on your own for 8 years raising your kid mostly alone, you embrace the life you live but didn't wish for. You wonder if that happy hectic life will be the same, worse or better if you remarry.
One child, yearn for a herd of them, and know marriage is the only way more kids will rain down. But I need to fix me first.