Crank up the estrogen, this one's scrawled by a girl. Warning: Curls is frighteningly pretty. -Beard
Curls here. Hi! Beard has asked me to step in as guest blogger for the day.
Some of you have inquired about whom I am and what I think of Beard’s diatribe posts. I’ll do my best to be honest and forthright, but we may have to take this a post at a time. Let’s start at the very beginning.
Beard and I have been tight for 5+ years. We initially met through a shared interest in running and, as we spent more time together, quickly bonded over witty stories and a plethora of other antics that solidified our friendship.
Upfront, Beard was very open about his situation. I admired the way he stood strong, despite the fact that life did not quite turn out the way he thought it would for him, or his daughter. Plus, I immediately fell for the darling Pigtails. I began to sense what a real family might mean for me.
You see, I’ve never been married. I’ve never dated anyone who had been through a divorce. I’ve never dated anyone who had children. You might be thinking, “Why should that matter”, but let me tell you, it does. Just as I had been shaped by life experiences, so had Beard. Things got real, real fast.
I’ve not lived what Beard has been through. As hard as I might try, it’s dishonest to say that I can completely relate, nor be expected to. I can lend understanding, empathy, support, patience, and compassion, but I alone can’t be the fix-all for this windburn he writes of. Filling the void he feels isn’t going to instantly take away that kind of pain. This gap between how it is (divorced) and how it is meant to be (marriage till death do you part) has haunted Beard for a long time and presented itself in the form of suffering. It took me a long time to recognize and, eventually, accept this. Is it tough to read of his trials? You bet. Do I want to help him? Absolutely. There is so much in regaining…
Trust. So delicate. Absolutely essential to a healthy relationship. But when that trust has been violated, or isn’t upheld to the highest of standards, it’s laboring to “harden not your heart” (Psalm 95). Who wants to be vulnerable (again) when the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual stakes are that high? Once bitten, twice shy.
Ouch! For me, the one on the other side, it’s a tough pill to swallow. I believe very much in the gift of marriage. It’s a lot of emotional work to put aside my own feelings, as I feel I must, for the time being. Yet some gifts are worth waiting for. There’s nothing I want more than for Beard to (re)discover the joy that a true gift can and will bring.