Apr 7, 2013

Concrete Kayaking and Adult Diapers

King Kong
Leo lost his red ball.  

Kids these days.

He's been in a panic lately, pacing around and looking at me exasperated.  I picked up a red Kong this weekend to cheer him up.  He knows I've started keeping the ball with me when we're done.  Today I said, "this is the last throw," he took off and wouldn't return it.














Spring Break, Like Pulling Teeth
Spring break the last five years was a turbo wagon ride north past Fuchs Trucking to a Wisconsin Dells waterpark.

This year, we stayed home and pulled teeth.

Laughing gas spraying, doc' smiles and says "this won't hurt" as he injects novocaine.
He returns with a pair of pliers. 
Ka-chunk, the lights go out and dental machines are silent.
"Don't worry, the generator will kick in."
Tapping the foot, nothing.
Doctor returned with a miners lamp rubber banded to his forehead.
He told her, "I'm just going to feel around in here."
Snip, snip.
"Okay, I'm going to pull now, are you ready?  Just kidding, I already did."
He did it without her knowing.

Before:




After with her yapper still numb, front sides missing.  "Huwwy up dod, my outh feels funny":



Concrete Kayaking
Menards is your one-stop-shop for toilets, nail guns...and kayaks?  A co-worker showed me the 'nards 11% ad last week, a composite 10 footer for $150.  "Do it," I said, he grabbed an extra and dropped it at the house.

All I need now is a way to transport it.  And water.  If you're a paddler and have used foam blocks and nylon straps for securing it to the car, tell me how well it works. And whether it blew off.

Bubble wrap for a life jacket and a bicycle helmet for now.

Does this helmet make me look fat?


J-Park
Remember jumping out of your seat watching Jurassic Park in high school?  It's back now in 3D...has it already been 20 years?  I asked Pigtails if she wanted to see it, she said "only if we watch it during the daytime."  Her first PG-13, told her they'd pull her ID and ban her if they find out she's only 10.  She looked concerned.  We went this weekend, she left claw marks on my forearm during the kitchen velociraptor scene.  Maybe she'll sleep tonight.



Diapers
I'm on deck this month to share some thoughts on my India trip at work.  To an auditorium of 500 people.

Public speaking is difficult for me.
I talk too fast.
Crop circle rings of armpit sweat will form onstage.

I told the organizer I'm not a gifted orator, he said "you'll do fine."  Daughter shrugged and said "just do it dad, things are always worse in your head.  It won't be that bad when you get up there, quit being a baby."  Burn, I hope she's right.

I've learned that fear isn't a good factor for determining whether I should try something.  I'll do it despite the apprehension.  I have a story to tell, and it's the right thing to do.

I'd better go ahead and velcro on a pair of Depends in case things get saucy.

It will be a killer session.  Four of us teaming up together, two from the home office in Des Moines, one remote video conferencing live from Hong Kong and another from India.  We'll share our work and cultural experiences from when we crossed borders and did an office mashup. 

Run Forrest
Fargo marathon was on the schedule next month.  My sister casually mentioned her daughter is graduating high school that weekend, so the run is off.  The pace team director rescheduled me to help at the Illinois marathon in Champaign in three weeks.  Any readers live in that area or running that race?

Pigtails is signing up her first 5K this spring.  She's starting to jog one and two miles loops to prep.  Curls took her out, word is when they passed a neighbor boy up the street about daughter's age, she surged ahead and miraculously stopped whining about her foot hurting.  I laughed.
  

 




Enjoy the week!


-Beard

19 comments:

  1. Man, Beard - I think your first comment may be a spammer . . .

    So cool that Pigtails is following in your healthy footsteps with the running action. She is such a neat kid. :D

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  2. Jeremy4/08/2013

    Beard,
    My wife is running the half that weekend. Driving down from the twin cities, maybe I'll see you there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See you there, tell her good luck!

      Delete
  3. Debbie4/08/2013

    you arent going to miss much anyway. itll be nothing but earthen dikes & sandbags up this way next month as the red river floods out of its banks for like the 180th year in a row. yet city leaders will still act surprised and caught off guard.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear they plan to reroute the marathon, they act surprised by the 180th flooding of The Red.

      Delete
  4. Anonymous4/08/2013

    pigtails is so darn cute! was that second shot taken while she was still numb??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope so, that or she was drunk on Mike and Ikes.

      Delete
  5. Good luck to you on your speech and to Pigtails on her 5k!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, I picked up the diapers tonight after work.

      Delete
  6. Foam blocks and nylon work fine. Secure the back and front bumpers and it will not slip. We did this on our old Mazda protege with no roof racks and all was good... love how silent a kayak can be on the water!

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    Replies
    1. Mine won't be too silent, I'm putting a motor on back.

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  7. We always had the nylon blocks and straps but they were on top of the existing SUV roof racks (just the standard ones). Not sure if you have a sedan, but they must sell more blocks to make them stay better. Only issues we had were with vibration noises from the straps on long car trips but it helps to test it out around the block to see if they make noise!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Station wagon without a roof rack, looks like I can add a clip-on rack for not a lot of money. My goal is to be able to transport the kayak for less than I paid for it.

      Delete
  8. I live in Champaign! And the marathon runs right by my house. Are you running the race or just helping out?
    Also, good luck finding a hotel. Everything is packed that weekend-hotel, restaurants, and roads. If you get a chance, you should stop by Black Dog-a BBQ place in Urbana that is delicious and I think you would love. Let me know if you have any questions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm pacing the 3:15 marathon group. I'd like a 2 egg spicy Southwestern omelette when running by your house, can you have that ready to go? The pace director is putting me up for the night, maybe at the U of I dorms? I'll bring bed bug spray and a plastic sheet.

      Will try to reload at Black Mutt after the race, see you on the 27th!

      Delete
  9. You're funny :-) Can you swim?
    Good luck with the talk. I hate public speaking. Then in my 4yr at uni, we were non-officially "forced" to do an introductory Toastmasters course. Hated it, but it helped a lot.
    Good luck with the little one running :-) My husband is taking on his 10th Ironman this weekend - hoping for a sorter, easier day than last year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wait, what, University of Northern Iowa or a different UNI?

      Whoa, 10th Ironman, tell your snookems to kick some butt this weekend!

      Delete
    2. Whaaaaat you mean you also went to UNI?
      :-), nope went to uni at UP.

      Delete
    3. Curls attended UNIowa.

      Delete

Thanks for the note, check back for my response!